Some People Refuse to Show Up to a Party Empty-Handed. This Is the Way Around It.

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Each week, Prudence asks readers for their thoughts on the letters she’s received. Her reply will be available every Friday.

For Good Manners or Bad Manners? : I noticed in your letter you mentioned she brought something with tree nuts and a kid is allergic. Make sure that she knows not to include specific allergens if that’s a rule. That is a good reason to tell someone not to come back.

Try this: Tell her what she can bring. Drinks are always a hit—have her bring a couple gallons of store-bought lemonade! Or something that you will need to replace (paper plates, or something). My mother is like this: Anytime we go to a family party, she wants to bring a baked good or a side dish.

For some people, showing up empty-handed is simply not done. Just like you wouldn’t stroll out to the mailbox in the buff or something equally completely off-the-wall, some people cannot even fathom this behavior. Redirect her energy while you keep trying to retrain her to not bring something. Also, the “Carla is stubborn and insists on bringing something” is a pretty handy line to use (obviously not directed at her) if people start asking.

Yes, you’re absolutely right about the tree nut offense, and I should have mentioned that. And I agree. If someone is going to insist upon buying something, you may as well make it something useful to you. I have personally provided a relative, whom I will not name, with a list of “things we could use if you see them on sale at HomeGoods” and have had some success getting those instead of the things we definitely do not need no matter how cheap they are.

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Re Diarrhea for the Dogs : Think vertically. Cats can usually jump or climb in ways that dogs can’t. Put the food up high enough that the dogs can’t get to it, then add something the cats—but not the dogs—can use to get up there. A tallish cat tower would probably do the trick.

This is brilliant. Or maybe it’s common sense for cat people? Either way, thank you.

For Ghosted by a Friend : I think one possibility you missed is that some women are very jealous of the marriage milestone if they are still single, and I think it’s very possible that nothing more than that was going on with her. The timing of the ghosting (12 months would put it shortly after the engagement, and then she reached out two weeks after the wedding) supports that. The other possibility supported by this timing is that the letter writer was a terrible bridezilla and was so impossible to be around that she washed her hands of the bride while the wedding planning was still ongoing.