My Daughter Came Home From a Sleepover With a New Habit. She’s Way Too Young for This.

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My husband and I can’t agree on something our 11-year-old daughter “Shelby” wants to be allowed to do.

Shelby tried some coffee with sugar and creamer when she was at a friend’s house for a sleepover and really liked it. Now she wants to drink it at home. My husband and I drink it ourselves, but I think she’s too young for it, while my husband thinks it would be fine so long as it’s in small amounts. Who’s right?

I admit, I started drinking coffee when I was 12—not daily or even weekly, just occasionally, with quite a bit of milk—and have always loved it. Given the potential impact of caffeine on kids’ sleep, behavior, and anxiety, though, it’s probably best to avoid or severely limit it. You really don’t want to be enabling or encouraging an 11-year-old’s caffeine dependence, no matter how small the amount, especially if they’re also adding a ton of sugar.

If your daughter actually enjoys the taste of coffee, and not just whatever sweeteners or flavors she adds to it, you could see if she gets the same enjoyment from decaf? Or, if you do let her have caffeinated coffee as an occasional treat, watch her closely to see how it affects her, and be ready to cut her off if you notice any adverse effects.

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My wife and I are mired in an ongoing argument over whether or not our 9-year-old daughter should be allowed to take riding lessons. My wife is terrified of horses, claiming they are “unpredictable and dangerous,” but our child has always loved them and has been begging for riding lessons since she was in first grade. The riding school our daughter would attend has an excellent safety record. How can I convince my wife that our child shouldn’t lose out on this experience because of her mom’s fears?

I did a little research on this since I’m not familiar with horseback riding myself, and many articles I found point to the fact that riding readiness often depends on the specific kid. A young rider should be very responsible and ready to follow all safety rules, have good balance and coordination, respect the horses’ size and strength, and be interested in the animals themselves (i.e., not just looking for thrills—especially since they would start out slow).

Your wife is not the only parent to be anxious about riding. Horses are large, powerful animals, and there are real risks when it comes to riding them. Plenty of other sports come with risks, too, and of course it’s great that the riding school you found has such a strong safety record, but there’s also no way to completely eliminate the danger.

You and your wife are now in conflict over this. Consider that you might not be the person best positioned to convince your wife that this could be a safe experience for your child, especially if you have little to no riding experience yourself.