I went to South Korea for a major glow-up. Men are having a very odd reaction.

Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily.

I’m a woman who was born with a very long, androgynous, “horsy” facial structure. From kindergarten through high school, I was bullied for my appearance. From 18-21 I was on dating apps without getting a single match. I was never hit on in real life either, and was turned down by the few guys I got brave enough to ask out.

At 21, I gained control of a trust fund my grandmother had left me, and wasted no time getting a rhinoplasty and double jaw surgery in South Korea. I could not be happier with the results. I lost my virginity before I was even fully healed, and with my now smaller, cuter, more feminine face I have had no trouble getting dates since.

But twice now I’ve gotten serious enough to see a long-term future with a man, and not wanting to have any major secrets between us, I’ve confessed that I had extensive cosmetic surgery. Both times they wanted to see my old photos, then when I showed them, they broke up with me shortly after.

Both tried to play it off as high-mindedly questioning my character for altering my appearance, but I have trouble believing that first of all they wouldn’t have dated me in the first place if I hadn’t, and second of all they seemed to love my character up till then. Were they just grossed out or turned-off by the knowledge that I used to be so unattractive? Were they maybe worried about having kids with my genetics? What is the right time in a relationship to disclose something like this?

You’re probably correct that these men were dishonest when they said their concerns were about your character. That reminds me of a theme in episodes of my comfort show, MTV’s Catfish : On that show, whenever a man learns that the woman he’s been long-distance dating has been using someone else’s pictures and is not as conventionally attractive as he believed she was, he suddenly claims to have deep concerns about her integrity. But it’s pretty clear to everyone watching that if she’d lied about everything other than appearance, he would have found it in his heart to forgive her. So, yeah. These guys are disappearing because of the way you looked pre-surgery, because they feel that it somehow devalues your attractiveness or they worry about how their children will look. That’s unfortunate, but it’s their right to break things off if the before and after pictures leave them feeling different about you. And I suppose that if you couldn’t embrace the way you looked before surgery, it’s not really fair to expect anyone else to.

You can accept this while also protecting your time and energy. Send the materials before the first date. There is someone out there who will admire your surgeon’s work, congratulate you on your glow up, and still be just as interested in you. The more efficiently you move past all the other men who aren’t a good match, the sooner you’ll find him.

Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don’t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity.