I’m a Guy With “Feminine Qualities.” I Found the Perfect Response to Questions About My Sexuality.

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Each month, How to Do It columnists Jessica Stoya and Rich Juzwiak ask readers for their thoughts on the letters they’ve received. In this edition, Jessica replies to readers’ comments and suggestions below.

Re Wrestling With the Packaging : I wanted to write because I could be that guy. I also have “feminine” qualities (I don’t like football, I don’t barbecue, I express my feelings, etc). Not only am I comfy and secure with that, but it also makes it easy to be an ally to the gay community. I have gone to PrideFests, parades, etc. If I am asked, I answer. Then I add, “I can’t help liking girls. I was born this way!”

Also, there are ways to bring it up that are less explicit: Find a time when Brokeback Mountain /”Heated Rivalry”/etc. is on. Ask him if he has seen it. This could inspire more conversation. Does she have a gay relative? That might be a way to help bring it up, surreptitiously organically. Well, thanks for listening; hope this was insightful.

I’m assuming that the suggestions you’ve listed here are ways that people have successfully brought up your own less-than-butch traits without making you feel judged or awkward. If so, thank you—insight achieved.

I will caution that while some folks appreciate a conversational sidle-up, others can see it coming a mile away and find it just as frustrating as a direct question. And, since we know the guy the writer is seeing isn’t bi or gay, it would be awesome to hear suggestions on how to broach the subject she’s curious about: what his life is like as a straight man who is assumed to be interested in sex with other men.

Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.

I like the response to The Entire Time . Personally, if he really likes this girl, he shouldn’t let this deter him from continuing to see her. He shouldn’t put blame on her, though. He should say that he didn’t communicate where he thought they were in the relationship, and that’s on him. Moving forward, he would like to be exclusive and to communicate better about their lives in general.

If the girl doesn’t go for it, then you two weren’t going anywhere anyway. Perhaps she was just unsure where they were as a couple as well. Both need to communicate with one another.

Genuinely, it’s lovely when people repeat the sentiment of one of these How To Do It answers in significantly different language, because so often we need to hear the same general advice packaged in seventy-four different ways before someone hits on the phrasing that actually lands with us.